Pick Up Lines

Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.

Ever tried those weird prickly condoms?

Excuse me, ma’am, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?

Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.

Ask: “Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?” (No.) Wink.

God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.

Have you ever played leap frog naked ??

Help the homeless. Take me home with you.

Here’s a quarter….call your roommate and tell her you won’t be coming home tonight.

Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?

Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you!

Hey! Ya wanna try out my new ‘Home Artificial Insemination Kit?’

Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don’t get a date by tomorrow, she’s putting me up for adoption.

Hi, I’m new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I’ve see so far. Can you give me a tour of your body?

Hi, my name is “Milk.” I’ll do your body good.

Hi. Are you legal?

Hi. You’ll do.

How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?

How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!

I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: “Smile if you want to sleep with me.” And watch them try to hold back their laughter.

I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?

I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

Do you spit or swallow?

I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

I wonder what our children will look like.

I would kill or die to make love with you.

I would say that I’m in love with you, but you’d think I’m trying to pull a fast one.

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?

Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Let’s have a party and invite your pants to come on down.

Lie down. I think I love you.

Miss, If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, “I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum.”

Oh no, I’m choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!

Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?

Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

Sit on my face and let me get to ‘nose’ you better?

Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.

So, come back to my place, and if you don’t like it I swear I’ll give you a full refund.

So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?

When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?

Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?

Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

Will you marry me for just one night?

Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

Would you please come home with me and tie me up…

Ya know, my mother would just love you if I brought you to my place tonight and then to her place tomorrow.

You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.

You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.

You know, I’ve always wanted to sleep with you.

You smell wet. Let’s Party.

You’re good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?

Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?

Hey baby…mind if I take my pants off?

I love you, you know.

Hey, kitten. How about spending some of your nine lives with me?

If I let you suck on my tongue would you be grateful?

Have you ever played “Spank the brunette”? Want to try?

Are those lumber jack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.

Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.

Girl, yo’ so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a hole filed of you!

You remind me of a championship bass, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you.

Is your last name Gillette, it must be because you are the best a man can get.

I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.

Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.

Hi. Can I domesticate you?

Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!

Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?

If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.

Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.

Hey I’m looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

“Excuse me, but you dropped something back there” Woman: “What’s that?” You: “This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.”

I’ve been a bad boy/ girl,so spank me!

Say Baby do you mind if I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so?

I’m a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?

Yeah, it’s big and if you pet it, it spits

Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why? Because every time I look at you I have swelling “down there”

Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?

Let’s let only latex stand between our love.

So baby, do you see why the girls call me tri-pod?

Um…I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?

There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d like to mount.

Do you like chips? Because if you are “Frito Lay” than I am a barrel of fun!

I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?

Come over here and get a taste of America’s Most Wanted.

Hi. My name is Laura. I’ll be your play toy tonight.

Did you know that I saved a girl’s life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?

You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don’t even own a car.

Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?

Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.

Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!

Hey baby, I’d like to herd by cattle in your fertile valley.

Hi. I’m a dog and I need to bury my bone.

Lets skip all the bull-shit lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.

You bring a whole new meaning to the word, “edible.”

Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

Hi, sorry I don’t have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line. . .

What’ll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.

Do you wanna box? [Yes.] Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.

Pick a number between 1 and 10. Shit you lose now take off your clothes.

Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I’ll put my head in your mouth.

What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name. (switch if female asking a male)

If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

Hey I see your wearing clothes, I’m wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.

Is your boyfriend/girlfriend here? Is s/he on the roof? (No.) Then let’s go to the roof!

Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.

My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .

I’m easy, but it looks like you are hard.

Do you have room in your life for another friend?

Nice pants, can I test the zipper?

Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?

Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I’m here after.

If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?

Could you tell me where they keep the rutabagas? Oh, thanks. Oh, by the way, what is a rutabaga?

I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.

I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.

I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.

If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.

Hi. I’m horny.

You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What’s wrong with my clothing?) They’re still on.

So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?